internecinus: deadly
hindrances:a delay
my frustrations and complications....
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Tuesday, October 29, 2002
my cousin vince said he was amazed at how strong i am...
i didnt know i was so strong...(well i have been known to break the occasional pencil in half on accident of course bc i didnt know how i strong i was heh)
i dont know if its a matter of strength as a matter of perspective.
i could stay angry/sad for forever, but then what good would that do? it wont help my mom and it wont help me. so i need to think positive and put my faith in god, in the doctors, in everything, that things will turn out how they're supposed to.
so when i tell people now about what happened, i'm not super dooper sad anymore. i know its been only five days, but i tend to get over things quasi-quickly. i know that whatever happens happens. and that things happen for a reason, even if i dont know what the reason is at the moment. and really my strength is drawn from my loving family, my wonderful friends, and *gasp* will elaine actually admit it *gasp* my faith in god. i'm not going to go the angry/mad thing with god. there's too much in life to live for than to be angry with god. or angry at the world. as long as i have a sense of humor about things, music, coffee and cigarettes, i think i'll be alright. i'm being taken care of by some wonderful people. and i know earlier i felt extremely alone with all of this stuff...and now i realize that i'm not.
happy days
posted by lainey at 9:49 AM
believe me when i say
that everything is ok
although i may seem down
i feel like things are going to turn around
soon
soon is what i'm wishing
but later is alright too
i dontknow what tomorrow brings
i cant tell the future
but i finally have found that thing called hope
it was lost for a while, but now its finding a way to hang around
posted by lainey at 12:20 AM
Sunday, October 27, 2002
i thought i was going to retire this bad boy....
but then life fucks you over and you need multiple blogs to survive.
i envy everyone who's trouble is which college to apply to for undergrad or grad
i envy everyone who's biggest worry is telling that someone that they have a crush on them
i envy everyone who's biggest worry is whether or not they got an a or b or c or whatever grade on a test
i envy everyone who's trouble is who's gonna be their formal date
i envy everyone who's biggest worry is what to wear tomorrow
i envy everyone who's biggest worry is to live a normal life and do normal things and be "normal"
you all have it so lucky
posted by lainey at 8:56 PM
Monday, October 21, 2002
my so called cracked out family life
so everyone says their family is fucked up, but i think its all relative. for instance my family is cracked out in my eyes, but someone else might think that we're alright.
we are a typical immigrant family in many eyes. my parents and aunts, uncles, and lolo and lola (all my mommy's family) came to the US for a "better life" for their children. we all grew up around each other, something like a 15/20 mile radius, where most of us lived a 5 minute drive away from each other in the san fernando valley (minus those ppls who lived in simi valley and valencia).
me and my cousins went to St. Gen Elementary School-->St. Gen High school. (i didnt have name for awhile, i was "sean's cousin")
my uncle is THE MAN at our church, St. Genevieve parish of Panorama city (where 90% of the ppl are filipino).
back in the day, my dad and all my uncles used to get drunk in the garage and smoke cigs and talk shit, while my mom and my aunts watched tv an talked tsismes. and all us kids ran around and played, stealing sips of beers and thinking our dads were so cool.
now we get embarrased when our dads get drunk, our moms still tsismes, and we all kick it in one room talking shit and drink beers and occasionally go out for a smoke break
my dad admits to being a redneck, his fav catalogue is cabellas (a hunting / fishing clothing and other things catalouge), and all he wants in life is to build his gun collection and go shoot animals.
my lolo would turn off his hearing aid when my lola, and my mom and all my aunts would yell at him simultaneously...damn him he looked so peaceful, while all the rest of us were sitting in pain with the high squeaky pinay voices.
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